APEB JJ Cup 2022 - Day 1

The Valley Course at Greetham Valley

1st April 2022 (midday tee off)

The report for this year's JJ Cup must open with this little number courtesy of Mr Reynolds

 

After a two year wait we gathered together 

At Greetham Valley and prayed for good weather

All geared up and ready to go

The first tee shot proves to many a foe

Duncan's on the tee, listen out for woosh

Four shots later, what's he doing in that bush?

We're off and running and the sun is shining 

Smiles on faces and scores start rising 

Suddenly there's a chilling breeze

And hail from the heavens like frozen peas

It doesn't last long the sun is back out

Smiles back on faces, golfers devout

More hail, sun and snow but ok for our health

Until the blizzard from hell freezes bones on the 12th 

Sideways snow and freezing wind

A shanked ball here another thinned

Shivering like an Arctic junkie

Freezing balls just like a brass monkey

Naturally the scores were very low

And lower than Andy's score - oh no!

So over dinner he starts to crow

"Listen everyone it's the Andy show"

Day 2 proves to be much better

Improved golf and nicer weather

Firing at pins like a bowling alley

Early Birds awake at Greetham Valley

Half way round it's pretty close

We need buenos shots or its adios 

A cheering crowd on the last

It's time for a winner to be unmasked

Yes it's been three years since we last met at Greetham Valley for the JJ Cup and we were all excited to get out there and pick up where we left off. 

It wasn't looking promising early in the morning as we woke up to a dusting of snow and freezing conditions. In fact when this reporter arrived at the venue around 08:30 it was a total white out and getting out on course didn't look promising. The course was closed with inspections happening hourly. Undeterred I purchased a token for the driving range and hit some balls. It was clear that it was going to be unpleasantly cold on course due to a brisk northerly wind.

The sun came out and by the time I'd finished my 100 ball bucket the snow had almost vanished from the driving range. Shortly before 10am the course was considered fit for play to start and golfers started heading out. 

In the mean-time, Andy and Steve Brewerton were having an eventful start to the day witnessing a GTA style police pursuit and punch-up. 

By the time our group was quorate the snow had entirely gone and the weather was looking much more promising. 

Being in the first group I had the pleasure of witnessing the first mishap of the day with Duncan finding hitting a tee short off the first tee 45 degrees left into the trees that we'd all been advised to avoid. JJ and I had both hit towards the right of the fairway so left Andy and Duncan to go and look for Duncan's ball. I personally didn't witness the recovery attempts from Duncan but I understand that he found his ball in a bush and proceeded to try and hit out rather than take an unplayable lie. After 4 shots and having hit one tree, Duncan found himself further back than where he started. A promising start to a round. 

This all took so long that John and I thought maybe Duncan and Andy had gotten lost along the way so John and I spent an enjoyable few minutes observing the local wildlife.

The 3rd group out had form player Steve Reynolds as one of it's number. His main challenger for the Gross Eclectic title, James Miller, pointed out to the starter that Steve was the best player in our swindle, no doubt starting the mind games early in the season. Given the result, the mind-games were working. Steve took his time, addressed the ball, steadied himself, took a deep breath.... steadied himself, took another breath.... slowly drew back the club and SMASH...... hit the ball into the trees on the left of the fairway. Steve showed no outward sign of emotion at this point, went to his bag to retrieve a provisional ball, and repositioned himself on the tee and went through his routine all over again, including the wayward shot. This was probably the first and most obvious sign that Steve had no intention of winning anything over the weekend. 

On the 3rd hole, a very steep downhill of around 120 yards, John James nearly put his ball in the brook and attempted to climb down into said brook to retrieve the ball. To say that this hill that John was climbing down was steep was a bit of an understatement but it took some persuasion to get John to abandon the attempt and allow us to retrieve the ball with a ball retriever. All was well and John continued after a drop from the hazard. 

As expected the going on Friday was slow due to the bunched up field so there was a lot of hanging around waiting for fairways or greens to clear of the group in front, this added to the generally miserable cold, damp feeling that was starting to set in. When the sun came out and you were out of the wind everything seemed fine, sadly this was followed by spells of very cold windy weather with storm force winds and hail, sleet and snow to boot. 

The following picture shows John James and Duncan Miller sheltering from the hail and wind behind Duncan's umbrella at the 5th hole. The sharp eyed amongst you may spot Andy in the background trying to keep his hands warm in his buggy....

The sun came out again after this brief spell of very windy, very cold weather and we managed to get to the 12th hole. As per Steve's account above the "blizzard from hell" set in as we ventured down the long par 5 12th hole, made much longer by the fact that the wind increased to (felt like) 100 miles an hour when we reached the half way point of this hole. The sleet/snow at this point became very heavy to the extent that we could not see more than about 80 yards and judging the appropriate club became impossible. We battled on through this hole but there was much talk of potentially going back to the bar and sitting this one out. I understand that it was far worse for the groups behind us, particularly the 4th group who were suffering the full force of the storm. This was too much for Tony who bailed leaving Steve Brewerton (part time buggy buddy) to fend for himself. Maybe the wind was having an impact on hearing but I understand the others thought they heard him say "guys, the heating in this buggy isn't working and the windscreen wipers are broken, I'm going out and I may be some time.... " then he disappeared off into the blizzard not to be seen again for the rest of the weekend. Tony, that has to be the most expensive 12 holes you've played? 

The following picture shows Duncan covered in snow, the picture doesn't really capture the conditions but you can see he was determined to continue...

On the 13th tee Andy was looking so unhappy I thought he might actually cry. I took pity on him and loaned him my mittens to warm up his hands which had already turned a worrying shade of blue. An artists impression of Andy's face below....

It did the trick, Andy's warmed up hands had enough feeling to allow him to find the green off the 13th tee. The sun was back out, his hands were warmed, all was well. 

Now to the 14th and for me the highlight of the weekend. 3 good drives in our group from my fellow golfers and a terrible grass cutter from me. I had to lay up and take my medicine for what looked like a very tricky approach. Andy and Duncan both but their shots into birdie range of the pin, all looking good! I hit my 3rd shot in to about 1 foot of the pin and holed out for the par but that isn't the highlight of the hole. Duncan missed his birdie put and sunk for Par and left Andy to play his "surely can't miss" birdie opportunity. Andy proceeded to put and hit the shortest (millimetres) put I think I've ever seen. It may've been an optical illusion but I think it may've moved backwards. He then managed to miss the par put and ended up with bogie. It was really difficult to not laugh at this point although Andy did seem somewhat distressed. 

The next highlight was John's and Andy's tee shots on 16. This tricky par 3 is a wonderful hole. There are some great old trees to avoid and a 3 tier green to shoot for which is about 150 yards across a valley finishing about level with the tee. John hit his driver which carried to the bottom of the green and proceeded to speed up the hill towards the 3rd tier. It stopped just before the top shelf and gradually rolled back, picking up some pace and finishing close enough to leave a tap in birdie. Andy emulated John but didn't quite manage to get it as close so had to settle for par. 

The 18th claimed Duncan as a victim which was remarkable only in that the Masters is next week and I expect we'll see a few similar shots roll back off the green and find an inevitable watery grave. 

We were all grateful to return to the hotel and get a hot shower/bath and prepare for dinner at this stage. 

The winner was Andy Simpkin (31 points) Runner up yours truly (30 points) Front 9 Peter Creighton (17 points) Back 9 Duncan Miller (15 points)